4 posts tagged “time”

Thursday, Friday and Saturday have all been moderately crazy. I'd call them full crazy if I wasn't so used to my new time-schedule. Starting off with the more trivial things, on Thursday it turned out we weren't as good at dialogues as we could have been. At least when it came to the serious one. The five minutes of break we spent on the second one, Shakespeare's mind you, were much more fun and successful. The elevated mood lasted for quite a while. We got to skip Drama again (have I told you how silly it is? no? a pity) and instead pondered what gifts should be bought for which people.

The event of the day was NUI, my friend's old school's film festival. Apparently, a grand enterprise and all, having taken place five years already and now ridiculously crowded. It was a lot of fun, at least in the beginning when the coloured lights started flashing and every person walking the 'aisle' bumped into the chair I was sitting on. The films were... unlike each other. Some were funny (a mobile phone attacking clay figures accompanied by LotR soundtrack), others were supposedly 'artsy' and deep. Yeah... In any case, by the middle of it the crowd was becoming tiresome and the excitement a little overflowing (not so much in my case, though). The whole impression was a little ruined by the fact that I didn't understand nor like 'the-film-that-everyone-loved-and-was-supposed-to-win-but-didn't'. It was technically well done and apparently philosophical as well, but a little too depressive. I can stand melancholy and sadness and noire sorts of things, but not the ones where little brilliant starlets are all unhappy and dead inside and they hide from reality on the stage and are addicted to illusions and all poor and misunderstood inside. Not my cup of tea, yes?

On Friday I met with my old classmate and good friend. It was great to reminisce about the old times, including our last year at school, when we used to sit on the floor next to a particular radiator almost every break and did all sorts of wonderful things you can only do when you're fifteen. I also spent a while relating the events of my summer trip to her, while she told about her own holidays. In the end we decided we were both potential alcoholics and would have to do something about it at some point. The resolution of the moment, however, was to phone another of our classmates who's eighteen and ask her if we could go drinking at her place some time in the future. Everything was perfectly fine until, half through waiting for her to answer I decided to see who I was calling. Just in case you know. Turned out to be my Grandma.

The people in the cafe were a little frightened at our reaction when we tried to imagine me asking her what I'd intended to ask. Aside that we made some more plans, not all of them involving alcohol, mind you.

And today I had to attend this crazy thing call choir camp. Basically, it's a quick way to dispose of your Saturday. The idea is that we go to our school and practice singing from eleven to six, lunch breaks included. I wasn't exactly excited about a day being nearly wasted, so I was contemplating leaving earlier even before it turned out we'd sprint through about twenty songs, only three of which the majority could actually sing. I stayed for the bread though. Time swept past quickly and it was something past six, I think, when the three of us who'd stayed behind finally left. Tried to leave, until we noticed that there was a huge black hole where, across the bay, the city centre was supposed to be. There was nothing. No lights, no haze. Which was phenomenal. We decided that aliens had either stolen the part of the city or clouded it all with their space ship. Of course we stayed to observe and in short time smaller details surfaced, until we could see the Eye of Sauron and the Mountains of Mordor were among the things involved.

Because all of this seemed urgent, we decided to get back to our school and try to see what everything was about from some higher floor. It was a little difficult with the trees and lights and everything. The next option was waiting for the local geniuses who were supposed to blow up the school, because they'd have access to the chemistry class, a good observation spot. I think we weren't meant to find out what was happening though. In the process of waiting the sky slowly lightened, although now there was a huge H-shaped building on the horizon and we were absolutely sure it hadn't been there before. In the end, we sat in the chemistry class for another hour, eating candy and getting sillier by the second. We could hardly speak and seriously wondered what could have made us so non-sober.

I think I'm slowly getting rid of any spare time I might have. Especially time I should dedicate to writing. This week there is no weekend, it's just the difference in the activities.

Just a moment earlier I looked out of the window and simply had to yet again remember how much I love winter. And to imagine that the year is ending. The year is ending... Let that phrase sink in. I think it's real magic. Maybe I'm just listening to the right music. Maybe that's just the state I'm in. Whichever way it is, I'm pleased.

The week has passed with horrid speed. The odd thing is that it's been quite free of procrastination. For a couple of days I was in an actual 'flow' state where I just got home, sat down and started doing whatever needed doing. And that's quite brilliant, even though a little too quickly passing. In general, everything's fine. Can't complain at all. My journalism assignment (the one I was writing last Sunday night) went well, I've got hopes for doing alright in tomorrow's Geography test and we finally found a dialogue (two, in reality) we'll be performing for the Vocal part of the Theatre course. Sunny, isn't it? Even all the things that need doing (an article, an interview, two more tests, a presentation, the two plays that need reading and a NaNoWriMo novel) can't cause too much distress.

That's why I wonder about the edginess. Although no, I don't actually. Which doesn't mean that I'm not jumpy or reverting to four letter words in my mind.

Soon this year will be over. Jeez.

Ei ole paremaid, halvemaid aegu.
On ainult hetk, milles viibime praegu.
Mis kord on alanud, lõppu sel pole.
Kestma jääb kaunis, kestma jääb kole.

Ei ole süngeid, ei naljakaid aegu.
Võrdsed on hetked, kõik nad on praegu.
Elul on tung kanda edasi elu,
jällegi Kronos et saaks mõne lelu.
 
Ei ole möödund või tulevaid aegu.
On ainult nüüd ja on ainult praegu.
Säilib, mis sattunud hetkede sattu.
Ainuski silmapilk teisest ei kattu.

Ei ole mõttetult elatud aegu.
Mõte ei pruugigi selguda praegu.
Vähemat, rohkemat olla ei võinuks.
Parajal määral saab elu meilt lõivuks.

Ei ole kaduvaid, kõduvaid aegu.
Alles jääb hetk, milles asume praegu.
Aeg, mis on tekkinud, enam ei haju,
kui seda jäävust ka meeled ei taju.

Artur Alliksaar

Everyone knows deja vu, right? It's one of those very special moments. It appears that besides feeling what you're doing just now has already happened, you can suddenly get a miraculous flashback from your past, vivid enough to make you want to jump right in the middle of a parking lot at 8 a.m. It's more or less what happened to me today. It's not quite a novelty to me, but every time is different and my last experience took place a while ago. I've noticed that these things are often triggered by either special sights, sounds or even the more - smells. This morning I was innocently walking towards school, when a car rolled past me and brought with it the most divine aroma of... well, CAR! It's the mixed scent of aromatic leather and the tangling christmas-tree-shaped air fresheners and trips. The memories that came with it were like running headfirst into a cliff. Imagine a whole bucketful of different emotional 'imprints' all tossed at you the same moment. Imagine trying to hold them. That's like holding a bloody elephant! A struggling elephant at that, because as soon as the moment passes, it's all rushing away and you're trying to catch as many as you can, but you know that with a single stick of glue and a pair of hands, it's a bit of a hopeless thing.

Nevertheless, it's a reason which never lets me forget the importance of smell. When you're in love (which is not the case right now, mind you), a whiff of the right perfume can nail you to your bus seat, staring at the person if front of you, trying to discern if it's HE and desperately fighting against the faint and intoxicating haze. Mighty!

...

Never let yourself be misled, though, I can still do mediocrity. For example, surely I've told you about time and how ridiculously fleeing it is? It's darned amazing! Things that seem to have taken place no more than a few days ago, the calendar tells me, date a fortnight back. When the week's past Tuesday, it's over. Caput. Finito. Lõppenud. It's like a sprint - the first two sevenths are somewhat killing, but the rest is crossed on pure momentum. Besides, it's all in your head! People've been telling me that the eleventh grade is the easiest and imagine that - it is! While everyone else says they've never had so much to do, I go to bed at eleven o'clock, study something challenging once a week (even though I don't exactly adore my marks right now) and feel as if everything's alright, even though I've indeed never been as busy.

It can't stay like that, can it? Perhaps I'm just delusional? Maybe I've postponed everything for eternity and will soon learn my lesson? Surely I'll soon be cursing my own words and regretting, but it's one of the most delightful paradoxes I've encountered.